Anonymous asked: You were raped/sexually abused?
I’m struggling to understand how that information is any of some nosy anon’s business.
An excerpt from Trauma Queen
Trigger warning: rape, abuse
“My bed is the ocean. I pull the blanket like a giant tsunami over my head and drown in the depths of comforting darkness. In this ocean are the manifestations of all my demons. My mother is a shark and I the minnow. My rapists are anglerfish seeking my squid self in the darkest corners I hide in. My exes are octopi with all their tentacles strangling the life out of my mercreature body. I am conflicted because they are beautiful, natural creatures who do horrifying things. I’m caught in a paradox of fear and admiration, deathly afraid yet achingly in love. It is here, in this ocean surrounded by all these creatures, that I find that I am in love with my traumas from these creatures. The creatures will always trigger a flight-or-fight response within me, but there will also be times we can coexist. I can hate and love them because they are predators who never killed me, but have traumatized my psyche, shape-shifted me from minnow to squid to mercreature - all edible creatures for different appetites. I hate them because their abuse has shaped my being. I love them because their abuse has shaped my being. I love them because I love who I’ve become. I hate them because I’ve become who I am because of their abuse. In the end, I’ve strived towards transforming into a manatee - a vegetarian creature with no predators.”
I can hate and love them because they are predators who never killed me