December 2010
“Shouldn’t you be doing woman things? Like knittin’…and then...”
– Justin Bailey
“I can’t be expected to always check under my ass for everything!”
– Justin “sassy in the morning” Bailey
“You are never allowed to have your leg that high in a robe. Im just...”
– Justin Bailey
“I betcha that girl menstruates fuckin’ Smuckers grape...”
– Justin, on Beyonce
“Goddamn you, Jack’s Links, you’ve made me look like an ass for the...”
– Justin “jerky king” Bailey
“Don’t worry Forrest, she gets aids. That’s the best revenge.”
– Justin Destruction
“Macaulay Culkin is dating Mila Kunis? …It seems like once you have your...”
– Justin Bailey
“Aw, what the fuck was I talkin’ about?! Oh, yeah! Camels puking!”
– Justin Bailey
“Imma eat these panties.”
– Justin
“I feel like bitches that get pregnant are just, like…trying to get a free...”
– Beth Wedgewood
“I dont like being happy, it makes me retarded.”
– Justin
“Fuck you public transportation and your sexually assaulting retards. Joe was...”
– Justin Bailey
“He, I can not eat animals and still enjoy the fine sport of shooting things.”
– Justin Destruction
“He looks like David Lynch if he was dipped in strawberry milk.”
– Beth Death, on a ginger lunatic ginger on Cash Cab
“Hey, you wanna go do it by the jumping frog?”
– Justin Bailey
“Fuck Thomas, trains are gay.”
– Justin
“Oh, my God! That made my chicken sandwich taste like dirt…That...”
– Mom, on an epic dutch-ovening that just happened in the car
“Your hair smells like play-doh.”
– Justin Bailey, who was on a roll last night
“So……Should I give you money now?”
– Justin Bailey
“You know you’re the man when you have a fuckin’ ferret in your hair.”
– Justin Bailey
“I would love to have sleepy pants made out of a muppet baby.”
– Justin Bailey
“This seems like a really cool place to get stabbed.”
– Justin
I can dig and I can claw the skin off my chest, believe I do. I can wish and hurt, I can scream ‘til these lungs burn, it’s all I do. What’s the combination? The perfect words, the spell of song and syllable. I’m begging for the secret phrase to unlock you. “What’s the use?” My new favorite words. Somebody shale me to waking, it’s not gonna...
“Imagine a lemur touching your pussy!”
– B. Wedge
“Bitch, my nipples been hard since I walked in the door”
– Sara Baart
“I gotta take off my snuggie to poop.”
– Mom, keepin’ it classy
“It’s gonna be a nigga factory in here!”
– Byron Burgan
“I just fucking fisted a pile of spaghetti!”
– Sara Baart